The Emotional Side of Breastfeeding: What No One Tells You

13 February 2025

Breastfeeding – it sounds simple, right? Something women have been doing for thousands of years. You picture a serene mother cradling her newborn, both peacefully bonding in the soft glow of natural light. But let's face it, the reality of breastfeeding is rarely as effortless or idyllic as those picture-perfect moments suggest.

Sure, there’s an avalanche of blogs and videos out there to guide you on latching techniques and the nutritional benefits of breast milk. But what about the emotions? Oh, the emotions! No one really talks about the raw, unexpected, and sometimes downright overwhelming feelings that breastfeeding can stir up.

In this post, we’re going to dive deep into the emotional side of breastfeeding – the side that doesn’t often get the spotlight but deserves every bit of it. Whether you’re currently nursing, considering breastfeeding, or supporting someone in their journey, this is the real talk you’ve been looking for.

The Highs and Lows: Breastfeeding Isn’t Just Physical

Look, the physical reality of breastfeeding is tough enough. Cracked nipples, engorged breasts, sleep deprivation, and let’s not forget the constant hunger that makes you feel like you're eating for three. But there’s also an emotional rollercoaster that no one quite prepares you for.

The Surge of Love and Connection

First things first, breastfeeding can spark an intense wave of love and connection. That initial latch? It can honestly feel like magic, like the two of you are in this secret, unbreakable bond that only the two of you share. It’s primal, intimate, and can stir up some of the most powerful emotions you’ll ever experience.

Many moms describe these early moments like falling in love. Those little sucks and gulps can feel like a special conversation between you and your baby. It’s not just about nourishment; it’s about comfort, security, and safety. Breastfeeding can create a unique type of closeness that’s hard to put into words. Oxytocin, the "love hormone," is primarily responsible for this. Every time your baby latches on, your brain releases this bonding hormone, helping you feel more connected and nurturing.

But here’s the catch: not everyone feels these warm and fuzzy vibes right away. And that’s totally okay.

The Doubts: “Am I Doing This Right?”

You might have thought breastfeeding would come naturally, like instinct would just kick in, you'd latch your baby, and voila! You’re both on your way to blissful nursing. But let me tell you, it can be a steep learning curve.

The thing is, no one really warns you that breastfeeding can bring self-doubt. You might constantly wonder:

- "Is my baby getting enough milk?"
- "Why does this hurt so much?"
- "Am I doing this wrong?"

These questions can eat away at your confidence. In fact, many new moms feel like failures early on, especially if the baby struggles to latch or if they have supply issues. Not to mention, everyone from the pediatrician to your well-meaning neighbor might toss conflicting advice your way.

You’re trying to do what’s best for your baby, but when things don’t go as expected, the guilt creeps in. Managing these conflicting emotions can feel like a mental tug-of-war.

Guilt and Pressure: The Unseen Burden

Here's where it gets even trickier. Society places this hefty expectation on moms to breastfeed. "Breast is best," right? You hear it everywhere. While breastfeeding might be optimal for some, what no one really talks about is the intense pressure it can create.

This pressure can lead to guilt if breastfeeding doesn’t go smoothly, or worse, if you choose to stop. Moms who stop breastfeeding earlier than intended (or never start at all) often feel ashamed, like they’re letting their baby down. But let’s get one thing straight right now: feeding your baby is what matters. Whether it’s breast milk or formula, you’re doing the best you can.

Also, stoking the fires of guilt are articles and internet forums that seem to promote mom-shaming. It can feel like there’s no winning. If you breastfeed in public, you might face judgment for “exposing” yourself. If you bottle-feed, you might feel eyes on you for not “trying hard enough.” Society’s expectations can weigh heavily on your emotional state during this already delicate time.

"Breastfeeding Aversion": A Surprising Phenomenon

Let’s be completely honest here – not all moms love breastfeeding. In fact, some moms develop something called “breastfeeding aversion,” where they feel repulsed, irritated, or even angry while nursing. The sensation of nursing can become overwhelming, leading to feelings of resentment toward breastfeeding itself.

Breastfeeding aversion is rarely talked about, but it’s a real phenomenon. And if you’re experiencing it, you’re not alone. These feelings of aversion can trigger intense guilt – after all, aren’t you supposed to love breastfeeding? Isn’t it meant to be a bonding experience?

But here’s where we need to cut the narrative some slack: it’s okay to not love breastfeeding. Your feelings don’t negate your role as a loving and attentive mother. If breastfeeding feels uncomfortable or makes you unhappy, you’re allowed to explore options that work better for both you and your baby – be it partial weaning, exclusive pumping, or formula use.

Other Unexpected Emotional Challenges

Beyond guilt, pressure, and aversion, there are many other emotional hurdles most moms don’t expect when they embark on their breastfeeding journey.

Loneliness and Isolation

Breastfeeding, in theory, is a time to bond with your baby. But in reality, you might find it lonely. There’s something isolating about being the only one who can feed your baby – especially during those long nights when it feels like the rest of the world is fast asleep.

Sure, your partner might try to help, but if your baby exclusively breastfeeds, there's only so much they can do. And, let’s face it – other people don’t always understand the demands of breastfeeding. You might feel left out or like no one quite "gets it."

It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and find ways to connect with other moms or breastfeeding support groups. You’re not alone in this journey, even if it sometimes feels like it.

Exhaustion: There’s No Clocking Out

Sleep deprivation during the newborn phase? It’s no joke! Breastfeeding on demand can mean waking up every two to three hours – if you’re lucky. And because breastfeeding works on supply and demand, skipping a feed often isn’t an option without risking a dip in supply or engorgement pain.

The physical exhaustion of breastfeeding can lead to emotional exhaustion as well. You might find yourself feeling cranky, teary-eyed, or short-tempered – all perfectly normal when you’re running on fumes. It’s okay to admit you’re exhausted and ask for support, whether it’s from your partner, family, or a lactation consultant.

Hormonal Shifts: The Emotional Whirlwind

When you’re breastfeeding, your body is still awash in postpartum hormones. Your estrogen remains low, which can lead to mood swings, anxiety, or even irritability. Some moms experience something called “postpartum rage,” a feeling of sudden, intense anger that seems to come out of nowhere. You might find yourself snapping or feeling disproportionately overwhelmed by small things.

These hormonal shifts can make breastfeeding feel even more challenging emotionally. It’s essential to remember that these feelings are influenced by biology and will ebb and flow as time goes on. If your emotional swings feel extreme or persist beyond the typical baby blues, don’t hesitate to talk to a healthcare professional about postpartum mood disorders.

The Joy of Overcoming the Challenges

But here's the thing – breastfeeding can also offer emotional triumphs. Those moments of doubt or frustration? They sometimes dissolve into pure joy when your baby gazes up at you mid-feed with the widest, milk-drunk grin. Suddenly, it feels worth it. Every late-night session, every pumping break at work, every moment of uncertainty – it melts away in those sweet, fleeting moments.

Over time, many moms look back on breastfeeding as one of their most cherished memories of the early parenting journey. It’s not without its struggles, but there’s also a deep sense of pride that comes with navigating those challenges.

How to Cope with the Emotional Side of Breastfeeding

If you find yourself struggling with the emotions of breastfeeding, here are some tips to help you manage:

1. Ask for help: Lactation consultants or breastfeeding support groups can be life-savers.
2. Talk about your feelings: Share your thoughts with your partner, family, or other moms. Sometimes just voicing your frustration can bring a sense of relief.
3. Take breaks: If breastfeeding is starting to affect your mental health, it’s okay to pump, supplement with formula, or wean. Your well-being matters.
4. Embrace flexibility: Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can create a feeding plan that works best for you and your mental health.
5. Practice self-compassion: Remember – you're doing your best. Be kind to yourself.

Conclusion: It’s Okay to Feel All the Feelings

Breastfeeding is incredibly complex, and the emotions that come with it are just as tangled as the logistics. Some moments will be beautiful. Others will make you want to scream. And that’s okay – all of your feelings are valid. Your breastfeeding journey is uniquely yours, and however it unfolds, always remember that what matters most is the love and care you give to your baby.